There are more reasons than ever to be thankful for dad this Father's Day.
Many of today's dads are more involved in the day-to-day lives of their children, says Heidi Sallee, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics at Saint Louis University. While it is still not common, more fathers are choosing to be stay-at-home dads or work from home, while even more are the primary caregivers when mom travels for work or serves in the military.
"Unlike the Ward Cleavers of generations past who were primarily authoritarian figures, today's dads are more involved in raising their children and, as a result, often have friendly relationships with their children," said Sallee, who is a pediatrician at SSM Cardinal Glennon Children's Medical Center.
According to Sallee, when dads play an active role in their child's life, everyone wins. For example, teenage girls who have a good relationship with their father are less likely to take part in risky behaviors such as having sex or using illicit drugs.
"The father-child relationship is more than just being a role model, though. Role models can be people that we see from afar. Fathers need to be an active part of their children's lives, helping their children learn to solve problems and be a responsible part of the family and society, and having fun with them," Sallee said
While most dads want a strong relationship with their children, divorce, work schedules and the lack of a father role model in their own lives stand in the way. Sallee advises dads to be involved from Day 1, be positive and consistent. To maintain that relationship over the years, she offers the following advice for every stage:
Babies: Now is the perfect time for dads to start building a relationship with their children. Jump in and change the baby's diaper, bathe the baby, sing to him or her, read stories and talk baby talk. If possible, take paternity leave when the baby is born to spend some quality time getting to know your child.
Toddlers: Playing is one of the best ways to bond with your toddler. Pretend, roughhouse appropriately, read stories and show them the world by taking walks or going to parks and talking about what you see. This is also a good time to begin sharing your values with your child by praying with him or her and modeling good character. Providing discipline also is an important part of the job.
"Remember that the world discipline comes from the word 'to teach' and parents are their kids' first, most powerful teachers," Sallee said.
School Age Children: Family dinners - ideally at least five nights per week - are a great way to stay involved in your child's life as he or she gets older. Turn off the television during dinner and share stories about your day. To spice up the conversation, avoid the boring "how was your day?" question. Instead, Sallee recommends questions like, "what good things did you do for someone else today?" or "what did you like about the day?"
As your child's schedule gets busier, make time to go to his or her games and other events. Keep up with bedtime stories, but have them do some of the reading as their skills improve. Catch them being good and praise them for it. Most importantly, hug them regularly and let them know they are loved.
Teenagers: During the teen years many parents find that the car is great place to talk; children are a captive audience and there are often few distractions. You also can offer to carpool, which will give you the opportunity to get to know their friends.
If you do not live with your older children full time, Sallee recommends using e-mail, text messaging or social media like Facebook to connect with them every day.
Give your children your undivided attention and expect the same from them during family dinners or activities. This means putting down cell phones and logging off the computer. Use your time together to talk about your values, why you make decisions the way you do, and your hopes and expectations for them. Be specific and appropriate with praise. Although they are growing up, they are not too old to hug and tell them you love them.
"No matter their age, children need their dad. Fathers teach their sons how to be men and show their daughters how they should expect to be treated by men," Sallee said. "The best advice I can offer to dads is to jump in and do it. The worst possible thing you can do is to be absent."
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