Since my earliest memories I felt something was wrong. I felt like a freak from my childhood to an adult. I had to fake things that did not feel natural to me so I could blend in the best I could. You spend most of your life acting a part and otherwise I felt like I would not be accepted by my peers or my family. And you spend so much time acting and putting up walls that you forget why your doing it or who you are. I looked back on my life and I had many memories but in many ways it all felt like a fog. Even though I remember everything it felt like I was living some one ells's life. I could not make sense of why I felt that way. Back in 2013 my Dad past away and the walls I had put up started falling. Many memories I had stuffed away started coming back in a rush and realized why I spent so many years in depression and feeling miserable. At this point many would think I would go off and get HRT and get surgery, but no. I am one of the few that has elected not to because I can't stand the thought of losing everyone I love. And there are other reasons but many would not understand those. The reason why I commented is because its not something that comes about when you are an adult, you suffer from it your whole life. And I hate it when people that do not understand what a person like I and others like me go through talk about it as though they were an authority on my life. I have lived it, you have not and so can not begin to talk about what you do not know. I am not trying to be an ass but you have no idea what me and others have gone through our whole lives(not just adulthood). It is miserable existence, acting out a life that is not you at all. You realize that no one you know truly knows you but only the part you play. Like I said I love my family and even though they don't know me I know enough about them that I want to keep them in my life so I am one of the few that has chosen to remain silent, but your not family so I have no problem telling you.