I've been in and out of prison 8 times since May of 1989 and spent more than 9 of the first 13 years in solitary confinement for bad behavior. I have 22 plus years of incarceration. I've been out almost 8 years this Feb. 17th 2024. I only wish I could express the difficulties I'm experiencing with PTSD and the physical problems I'm having. I need assistance, bad! I don't know how to take care of myself now that I can't work. I've only been able to maintain work this far because I paint. When I flip out at work, "over what-nots", I could usually get a painting job anywhere. And I'm ganna have to do something for a week or two right now so i can get food for my cats and pay bills. I've burned most all those bridges now though in this area, not to mention it's almost a 100 mile commute. I've had probably 50 jobs or more in the last 5 plus years and 7 cars, I've either blown them up making the commute or the 4 deer I hit and killed in 3 years because of my extreme anxiety about getting to work about 30 or 40 minutes early everyday so I wouldn't lose my job and go back, yet I  would end up losing that job anyway. Seems kinda redundant. I'm called crazy, I'm a nut job. Etc. Etc.
I can't even keep up with my taxes anymore, and I  dont care, and especially now since I have a pinched nerve in my low back and often paralysis my left side, at random, and I can't walk. And no, I don't go out committing crimes. I have a lot of bad thoughts about myself already. I lost my parents during all this and my sister hates me now.
I don't know what I can do to survive. Going back or just ending everything. There only seems to be 2 options for someone like me. I wander what the suicide rate is for people with PTSD from incarceration that have actually been able to make it this long?  And Who are those people, if we can consider them as people anymore? Do they have value of life at this stage? They need to have an ex-cons veterans association set up to help people financially that can't help themselves.