I have a very embarrassing form of obsessive behavior. (These next few stories don't apply to all women I've been with but were the most significant). It stems from a lot of negative abuse from former lovers...(term used very loosely) and the guys they ended up sleeping with while I was dating. Also I was raped by a friends uncle when I was 16 and I was already insecure about almost everything in my life, he proceeded to drill into my head the notion that no woman would ever want me. And my peers labeled me a fagot. In the service I was crazy in love with a girl but she ended up sleeping with half the guys in the barracks.

My self image and self esteem have taken quite a beating not to mention my masculinity. I've spoken to my therapist about this but she just looks at me like I'm talking in a foreign language. So how do I heal from the scars? Maybe never I don't know. What I do know is that the knowledge that a man is concerned about the size of his penis puts her in a position of power and control to use as a weapon among her many other ways of humiliating and manipulating men. Think I'm a little disillusioned about the possibility of ever being "in love" again with another woman? I get what I can but I don't let feelings get involved because that's just a set up for more hurt and disappointment.