Can someone please help me out with this. My nieces and nephews have come from a very bad situation in their family, whereby they aren't in and havent been in contact with their father for 18 months. My nephew who is 5 seems to be taking this the hardest. There was/is signs of sexual abuse and all of the children have been seeing counssellors for the past 12 months. This is where I need help. My nephew who is 5 has started kindergarten this year and just in the past month I have noticed certain behaviours in him that I am concerned about.
He will ask over and over to do something that he has been asked not to do (eg go outside when it is raining) when eventually he gets the message to not go outside, he coaxes his younger siblings to do what he wanted to do, then he does it with them to in a sense "get his own way". When they all get in trouble for doing what they are doing, the 5 year old then blames the younger ones for doing it and says he was trying to stop them or that they are why cant he do it. His younger sister (she is 4) has also made reference that he always wants to lay naughty games with her. I tell her not to do what her brother tells her to do. And I have try to tell him not to tell his younger sibing what to do but when they do I get a eery smile and a "hmpf" from him.
My sister has also been referring to him as the "man of the house" cause he got upset that she had a new boyfriend. He now takes on that persona so much so that he tells his 13 year old sister that he is older and stronger then her and challenges her physically. She being 13 is finding it extremely frustrating as when she tells her mother of what has been happening, her mother chastises her for being so hard on her brother. Hence she came to me regarding this as well as my own observations.
His mother (my sister) takes them to sandbox counselling once a week, but the way I see it, if my sister isnt honest with the counsellors about what is actually going on at home and lets my nephew just have his counselling (which he is good at her habit of telling people what they want to hear to get what they want!).
What advice can I give my sister and my mother who is a constant presence in the day to day running of these children?